Clarity, I hope so.

And another thing.
Sorry, I shouldn't make Douglas Adams references I probably can't tie into my actual post.
Having said that, another thing about me that some may find interesting, is how many seemingly conflicting viewpoints I have.
For instance, I am (in terms of what I personally believe) a rather conservative Christian. I  believe the Bible is the written word of God and it is completely valid for the modern age. Including the prohibition against the lifestyle of homosexuality. I completely reject the concept of two men or women being in a marriage. However, so long as the federal and state governments continue to tax and regulate people based on their legal union status, I happen to think it is absolutely fair to allow any two people to enter into a legal status that protects their interests in the same way a traditional marriage currently does for heterosexual couples.
My preference would be to take the word marriage out of the legal code involving this union. The word "marriage" means something very important to a lot of cultures (including mine) and it is unfair to ask us to accept a meaning that offends us. Since we will never agree to surrender our meaning, I think we should take the word 'marriage' out of the law and leave it up to the respective couples and their society to label the relationship. You want call two men in a committed sexually active relationship 'married'? Fine, go right ahead. It's a free country and you can think and say what you believe. Please, just don't try to force me to compromise my deeply held beliefs while you do so. And don't condemn me for my stance on this issue, none of you have the right to do so.
Both sides in this argument have valid points, but as long emotion clouds reason, I don't believe we will come to an acceptable solution.
In summary:
If you think homosexuality is wrong and that marriage is only between a man and a woman, good for you. We agree, on that. We just don't have the right to force people to accept a law that penalizes their consensual behavior. The constitution doesn't recognize that right, because God didn't give it to us.
If you think you have you have the right to the same legal status with your same-sex partner that I'm entitled to as a result of my marriage to my wife, good for you. We agree, on that. We just don't have the right to force people to accept a law defines marriage's meaning as something that deeply offends their beliefs.

This is a pretty good outline of beliefs on this issue. Some people on my side of the meaning of marriage will never accept the concept of letting homosexuals have their legal status, no matter what is called. Some people on the other side of the meaning of marriage will never be satisfied with merely agreeing to disagree. They both want to use the law to force the other side into submission. I utterly distance myself from both of those elements.

An introduction of long-winded meandering.

I'm on a journey.

I don't know where it's going to end. 

I do know why I'm on this journey. I'm becoming. It's a process that's going to alter me fundamentally and irreversibly. I couldn't stop it, even if I wanted to. I can slow it down, speed it up, change direction sometimes and look behind at what I used to be. Otherwise, I'm stuck in this roller coaster car humanity calls "life" and "growing up".

I'm like most people and put my life on cruise control when things appear to be going well. It's just that, for me, things never appear to be going well for too long. 

As of this writing, I am very tired of certain aspects of myself that refuse to change, despite my efforts. I want the journey to end. I don't want to die. I'm just tired of enduring this process of "becoming". There are days I just give up, but it just keeps dragging me along anyway.

Sometimes I glimpse the destination for a brief moment. It glorious and during that time I feel like I can do anything, be anything and life is what it should be. It always fades away in the face of my current reality. That fading hurts. I want to hold on to the moment and never let go. Because, my currently reality is that I am a broken person with many flaws and imperfections. Some of them weigh heavily on my heart. Some of them weigh heavily on the hearts of others, I am certain. It can drive me to tears. 

People laugh at the term "existential crisis". It is often used when someone doesn't know who they are anymore and starts acting in uncharacteristic ways. 

I use the term differently. Every day has the potential for me to lose grip of who I am. Every day I can become disoriented and confused about my identity. Most days I am (at least) uncertain and doubtful. For me, a crisis occurs every so often when my usual methods of recovery don't work.

I live much of my life inside my own head. I share very little of myself with others, using their expressions of self to blend in with them. Most people are so eager to talk about themselves and not so interested in someone else's life, that it's easy to exploit this weakness. The few folk who can see past my facade, are welcomed as my friends for life. To date, only one person has recognized that welcome and accepted it. And it's my own fault. I'm not really willing to do the work of making friends. I just want it to happen on it's own.

I am primarily a creature of emotion. That is one of the biggest factors in my instability of self and identity. It can be a great gift. I possess a great well of compassion for others. I can make almost anyone feel better for a time. I am a human antidepressant and that's pretty cool. Saying just the right thing at the right time time is a highly valued talent. And very rewarding. So, it's not all bad. Just difficult at the moment.

Writing this out in the open is a huge first step for me. Please forgive my errors of grammar and structure. Or don't, because I just stopped caring about the opinion of others for the first time, ever. So. There.