Something Good

So,
I realize that the last post was a bit negative.

I mean, that's how I felt. About that one topic. I'm not going to take it back. However, there are a lot of things going on in my life. And I have feelings about all of them. Allow me to share something more positive. 

This past Wednesday night, I passed my EMT class. I'm gonna take a moment to appreciate what that means for me...*Big Sigh of Relief* 
It means I did it. I broke the cycle of failure that has plagued me my entire adult life. I don't have to take crap from my subconscious about what a loser I am, anymore. I DID something that matters. In the process I lost my job and it's been incredibly stressful trying to deal with that and still stay on top of all the other things in my life. There were days I really wanted to give up again. But I didn't. I won, fair and square, against my own broken nature. And I don't even care that there is still a state test I have to take, because I'm gonna nail it. I can feel it.

Damn, that feels good. You know what else feels good? Writing here again. without something terrible happening to prompt it. I'm long overdue getting this writing thing kicked off properly. Now, I feel like I can really do it. Actually, I feel like I can do just about anything. And you know what? I probably can. This feeling will pass and there will almost certainly be dark moments in my life again. That said, I will always have this moment as an objective marker of my ability to persevere and come through. I've never really had anything like this before. It defies even my subconscious' facility for minimizing my accomplishments so it can make me feel like shit.

Cause you see, I have some kind of depression. And when you have depression, your mind screws with you. It lies to you, cheats you and distorts your reality. And when your own mind does that to you, it really helps to have external and objective reminders of reality. And now I have one.

There you go, something good.